Friday, December 23, 2005

My So Called Family...

fam·i·ly ( P ) Pronunciation Key (fm-l, fml)n.

  1. A fundamental social group in society typically consisting of one or two parents and their children.
  2. Two or more people who share goals and values, have long-term commitments to one another, and reside usually in the same dwelling place.
  3. All the members of a household under one roof.

I walked out on my mom during dinner last night. I'm home for the holidays and we planned on having a nice dinner in the city. Things were going great...we were having great conversation and were being very "real" for the first time in a long time. Unfortunately or fortunately, things took a turn. We started talking about "the divorce" and lot of open wounds were quickly on the table. Mom has always hinted that my sister and I are to blame for the separation...last night she finally said it.

Is there anything wrong with an 18-year old kid and wanting to see his parents happy?

I'm done trying to convince my Mom of that...and I can live with it. If she wants to blame me for the divorce...cool / no problem. All I want if for Mom to take some (regardless of how small the amount) ownership in the divorce and not blame everyone else. I hate it when people feel sorry for themselves and don't look at themselves before blaming other people. I will never have a great relationship with her until she understands this.

On a different note, I feel blessed for the relationships I have with my friends and family and I wouldn't trade them for the world. Also, I am so extremely happy with my girlfriend Martha and our relationship. We recently had our 1-year anniversary...a big step for me. Sometimes I still feel like I'm walking on the moon when I get into uncomfortable situations...but a lot less frequently. She is a great girl and I am very lucky to be with her.

Futhermore, my friends have been my foundation...they've been there for everything...and they were there again last night. They are my family and always will be. I know I wouldn't be the person I am today with them. I can only hope I've been there for them as much as they've been there for me.

I don't know if I'll ever be okay with my Dad, Mom & Sister...but I do know that when I have MY family...things will be different.

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